whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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