my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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