I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
do herpes really smell.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
