Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I got chris browned last night
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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