Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
