batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
