Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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