Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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