i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
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The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
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My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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