I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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