how can u be prego again
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
