is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
