True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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