Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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