drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
