One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
