I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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