DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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