One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
