i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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