The maid of honor just puked.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
