Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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