Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
