I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
