Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
