i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
