Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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