Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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