I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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