I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
