you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
