When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
