why didn't you poke me back
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
