I CAN MOONWALK!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
