grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Panties = found
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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