They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
