I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
