I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
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The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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