just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
