Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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