doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize