I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
