I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
