she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
