ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
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Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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