There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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