There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
