why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
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Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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