come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
