part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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