I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I would fuck him just for his dog
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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