I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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