i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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