I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
