Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
