So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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