It's a beautiful day for a hangover
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
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her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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