margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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