Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
