They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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