kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
