just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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